Death Note Oneshots
by GhostAdventuresFreak
Summary: Some short and hopefully funny Death Note one-shots. Enjoy!
1. Horrible Crime

**I am currently going through this weird Death Note obsession, so I just had to write these xD I just recently found the anime, finished it within 3 days or so, and absolutely LOVED IT! **

**These are supposed to be funny, so sorry if my dry humor fails.**

**Disclaimer: I OBVIOUSLY do NOT own Death Note because I doubt that I can write about people as smart as L and Light. Plus, our dear friend L would be alive and well.**

**I also don't own Comcast…**

**LET US START!**

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><p>Mello woke up in the middle of night like he usually does for unknown reasons and looked toward the nightstand. A scream of horror left his mouth as he jumped out of his bed and ran (still in his footy pajamas) into the lobby of the headquarters. Matt was sitting on the couch playing video games 247 like he always is, except this time he actually PAUSED the game. Wow.

"Dude, Mello, WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING, BRO?" Matt said sadly, for his "totally boss" video game was interrupted by his partner.

"It's missing…" Mello said, breathing heavily.

"Huh?" Matt questioned.

"This crime, Matt, this crime…WE HAVE TO SOLVE IT!" Mello emphasized.

"I understand," Matt said as he called the rest of the team for back up.

******DEATH NOTE******

Mello sat on his chair nervously as he flipped through various reports. His frustration was visible through his wrinkled forehead and sweat drops. Members of his investigation team (more like mafia) were scampering around the base from one computer to another and shouting orders.

"Hey, Mel. Don't worry, we'll solve this case," Matt said optimistically as he patted Mello's shoulder.

"We better Matt…'cause if we don't…I'll kill every single one of you," he said darkly.

Matt's eyes widened at this. Was his friend (only non-virtual friend) really going to kill everyone he cares about in order to solve this case? He heard Mello say many times that this crime was far worse than the Kira case. Was it really? And if so, did he really have to take such extreme measures?

"MATT! None of these papers are leading us to any evidence!" Mello yelled, "Get everyone to work harder! Your pathetic efforts aren't enough!"

"Right, boss," Matt sighed.

Oh how he missed the sweet gaming action.

******DEATH NOTE******

It's been a day since the crime was committed and Mello just can't handle it anymore. He broke down and began to tear up.

"I can't do it…" he said in defeat.

Matt continued to stand there.

"I'm going to have to take a dangerous step, but I'm willing to do it," Mello said evilly with his hair covering his eyes.

Matt was astonished, as well as the rest of the team. Mello stood up, put on his motorcycle helmet, grabbed his gun, and left.

He entered the nearest convenience store and carried on with his mission, until he got a call.

"Hello…?" He asked into the phone.

"Sir! We have just received a surveillance video and were hoping if you can be here to check it out!" the investigator said.

"You don't say? I'll be there," he said as he closed his phone and hopped onto his motorcycle.

******DEATH NOTE******

Everyone surrounded the computer and the chair in front of it. Mello was seated there and began to open the video. He clicked on it… like a boss. Matt crossed his fingers, hoping that this was the video that caught the culprit.

Loading…

Still Loading…

STILL Loading…

"DAMN COMPUTER! LOAD ALREADY!" Mello yelled.

He then appointed one of his men to go switch to Comcast.

Ok…Now the video has started. He watched intensely and after it was finished, he stared at the screen blank minded.

"It's me…" he said, "I did it…" he said in surprise.

The others stared at him, confused.

"Alright, case closed. Continue your work," Mello said.

His team hurried back to their jobs, but were a tad bit confused at why Mello made this crime a big deal and then decided to stop.

"Thanks for your help, Matt," Mello said, "go continue your video game."

"Sure thing…No problem. Just one more thing though: What was all this about?" Matt asked.

"My chocolate… It was missing," Mello whispered, "Turns out it was just me who ate it…"

Matt's mouth dropped open. The chocolate was worse than the Kira case? The chocolate was worth wasting the team's time? Most importantly, the chocolate was the thing that took time away from Matt's precious video games? No… No way. He wasn't serious.

He just smiled at his chocoholic friend and resumed to play his game. At that point, there was really nothing else he could have done.

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><p><strong>DA END!<strong>

**Mello and his chocolate…ahhh how could I not take advantage of that XD Grrr I know, I did horrible. I don't think this is that good, but it was so much clearer in my mind. Don't you hate it when you have trouble writing down your ideas? Hopefully this was enough though.**


	2. DELETE!

**Even though it is very short, yes, I wrote two today. THANK YOU OVERFLOWING MIND! :D**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Mikami. Kira's worshiper. He continued killing the criminals of the world until he receives further notice from Light. He took a short break to open his email and check to see if there's anything new and happening. I don't know about you guys, but I highly doubt that this guy gets emails from friends- mostly because I don't think he has any. He wasn't very liked in school, was he? Anyways, he opened a recent email. He glared at the screen after he finished reading it. His face became dark and his head hung low. He balled his hand into a fist and clenched his teeth together.<p>

"I'M NOT INTERESTED IN WHAT YOUR SELLING!" Mikami yelled at the computer.

The background became dark and only Mikami and his computer was visible. He rose his index finger up and moved in slow motion because everything is cooler and more epic that way. Duh. His finger slowly lowered to his keyboard and he yelled,

"DELETE!"

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><p><strong>DA END!<strong>

**Come on, I know you love his epic "DELETE!"-ness. Don't hide it XD. **

**This proves that anything, and yes children, ANYTHING, can be done epically.**

**DEATH NOTE TEACHES LESSONS! :D**


	3. SCREW YOU!

**Disclaimer: L, NEAR, AND MATSUDA ARE MINE! Ok no, I wish, but they-along with the whole Death Note series- belong to their respectful owners whose names are too much for me to type due to laziness.**

**Some dialog was taken from the actual show as well.**

*****SPOILER ALERT IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN EPISODE 25*****

**Yeah, sometimes I include a disclaimer, sometimes I don't. Deal with my strangeness :D**

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><p>"Watari!" L screamed as his old friend remained silent. Every screen in the room changed from it's previous information to read "All data deletion."<p>

"What the hell is going on?" Aizawa screamed.

"I told Watari to make sure he should erase all information…in the event that something would happen to him." L told everyone.

Light just smiled to himself at his win. He knew that Rem had finally done what he had asked her to, and everything is going just as planned. All of a sudden, L froze. His eyes were wider than usual and the spoon in his hand epically fell in slow motion. He came next. L's body fell off the chair in slow motion as well and everything around him stopped. What was happening right now just wasn't believable. Light dived down to ensure that the detective's body wouldn't hit the floor. They stared at each other for what seemed to be hours, until L's sleep deprived eyes closed shut. Light then smirked and his hair and eyes did that really cool color changing thing **(A/N: I just had to ruin the moment xD)** and turned them red. With the world's greatest detective out of the way, he was one step closer to ruling the new world.

"It's a shame, L. This was fun, but in the end…Kira wins." Light whispered evilly to the lifeless body.

Suddenly, everything became bright again, and L's theme began to play.

"Light…Yagami…or would you prefer…Kira?" L said as he lifted his head up to face him directly.

"R-Ryuuzaki?" Light questioned in disbelief.

"…A-April…FOOLS!" L announced happily.

The computer screens all changed to a colorful background and read "APRIL FOOLS!" thanks to Watari, who was laughing at Light's stupidity.

The task force began to hand cuff the God-wannabe and take him away.

L Wins.

**Epilogue:**

In prison, Light tried everything he could to get them to believe that he wasn't Kira.

"That was an April Fools joke too!" He screamed from behind the bars.

L was examining a pastry when he said, "Yes Light, because you would tell an April Fools joke to a dead body."

"But you weren't dead!"

"You didn't know that. Plus, we changed every calendar so you wouldn't be aware of the date."

"I had a phone!"

"Misa's calendar-less phone."

"SCREW YOU!"

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><p><strong>Hooray for an April Fools chapter! Kids…always check your calendar when you are about to admit to being a serial killer. :D<strong>

**You only make that mistake once O_o ;)  
><strong>


	4. Deaths

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Death Note Characters' Possible Deaths<strong>

**R.I.P**

**Light Yagami**

**Died in an insane asylum**

**R.I.P**

**Ryuuk**

**Apple over-dose**

**R.I.P**

**Misa Amane**

**Fell off a building**

**R.I.P**

**L Lawliet**

**Diabetes**

**R.I.P**

**Mihael Keehl**

**Death by chocolate**

**R.I.P**

**Nate River**

**Swallowed a toy**

**R.I.P**

**Soichiro Yagami**

**Denial kills**

**R.I.P**

**Touta Matsuda**

**Held a gun the wrong way**

**R.I.P**

**Shuichi Aizawa**

**Shaved too much of the fro off**

**R.I.P**

**Kanzo Mogi**

**Misa's annoying voice**

**R.I.P**

**Teru Mikami**

**Judged/Deleted**

**R.I.P**

**Kiyomi Takada**

**Murdered by Misa**

**R.I.P**

**Watari**

**L is very demanding**

**R.I.P**

**Matt**

**Tried bringing Call Of Duty to life**

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><p><strong>I actually didn't like this one too much…It's too icky (I love my word choice) Oh well =) <strong>

**My personally favorite is Matsuda's. I can totally see him doing that.**


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